


Maybe we are made out of sand

by 53eggs



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Merry Pitchmas Gift Exchange 2018
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-09-27 05:07:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17155859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/53eggs/pseuds/53eggs
Summary: Beca comes home and finds an envelope taped to the door.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not very good at writing in English... So sorry for all the mistakes!
> 
> I own nothing but the mistakes. 
> 
> Merry Pitchmas 2018
> 
> ps. as soon as I get back home i will upload the rest =)

When Beca arrived home to the Bella’s house after tough day at school, she saw an envelope with her name on it taped to the door. 'This is Jesse's handwriting' she thought as she opened the door and entered the house. Without even checking if anyone was home, she went up the stairs and into the room she shared with Fat Amy. 

She went to her desk, sat down and opened the envelope. It contained a flash drive with her name written on it with, she started her computer and plugged in the device. A playlist with 6 tracks popped up on the screen but instead of clicking on the first track she disappeared inside her own head, wondering why he put the envelope on the door when he could have given it to her at school, until she realized that she had not seen him all day.  
The more she thinks about it, she realizes she can’t remember the last time she saw him. She picked up her phone from the table and opened their text conversation and noticed that five days ago he had sent her a text saying that he missed her, and she had not responded. As she looked through their texts, she discovered that it has been almost three weeks since she last wrote him something.  
Obviously, she feels a bit guilty that she hasn’t texted him or spent any time with him recently since he’s still her boyfriend, at the same time she is a little surprised that she hasn’t even noticed that they haven’t spoken on the phone or texted each other recently. The few times they’ve spent any time together lately, it has been because of acapella and both their groups have been there as well.  
She spends a long time in her head thinking about her relationship with Jesse before she decides to put her headphones on and clicks on the first track on the playlist.

She can hear the voice of her boyfriend talking but she isn’t listening to what he says no she is listening to his voice and wondering when his voice stopped making her stomach flutter, when his voice no longer got her thinking about inappropriate ways to distract him from all thing movie related, when just a thought of him no longer brought a smile to her face.  
She sighed, stretched and repeated the track focusing her attention to listen not only to his voice but also to the words he was saying.

‘Hey Beca, it’s me Jesse. I really need to talk to you, but you never have time. I don’t even know if you have noticed that we don’t see or talk to each other unless it’s not some kind of gathering for our acapella groups or we have the same shift at the radio station. I don’t even know if you have noticed that we haven’t kissed in over a month or been together romantically for… *cough* it’sbeenfivemonthswithoutlovemaking *cough*. This breaks my heart and you will always be my first real love and I hope that over time we can be friends. Right now, everything hurts and what hurts most is that you don’t even realize how much you are hurting me. You love me like a friend. But my love for you… I can see us married in the future and with kids. When I think of my future, I see us together. But I know that you can’t see that future, and I don’t hate you or anything, but I will need some time to heal my broken heart. I wish you all the best Beca you deserve someone who makes you happy because you are so damn beautiful inside and out, and your happiness is closer to you than you think, just open your eyes. I just wish it could have been me… This is me telling you something in the language you speak fluently, through music.’ 

The second track started and Beca was intrigued, she really wanted to know what he was trying to say and therefore she continued to listen. She listened to all the tracks on the list and she was mind blown, she had never heard these songs before and in her head, she was trying to figure out how she could use them in her mixes.  
She listened to the songs again and tried to take out different beats that could work in one of the mixes she worked on a few nights ago, when she remembered that this playlist was a message from Jesse. She tried to concentrate on the songs and what Jesse was telling her, making a mental note to herself that she needs to ask him about the different artists. 

Outtakes from track two;  
”…Every time you tell me how it's gonna be draining all my energy dunno what you do to me every time you tell me that you need a change but you could never stay away you know you break my heart…”

“…Every time you leave feels like the weight is gone, the weight is gone…”  
”…Everyone knows that we're a lie you're just afraid to say goodbye…”

 

Outtakes from track three:  
“One night of magic rush, the start a simple touch  
one night to push and scream, and then relief…”

“…we had a promise made, we were in love…”

“…to call for hands of above, to lean on, wouldn't be good enough, for me, no…”

Outtakes from tack 4:  
“You wanna be free, I’m Gonna be fine, in this new reality of a different kind, you wanna be free and I’ll be alright…” 

“…I won’t get hung up, I won’t get strung up, too the fact that we are over, fact that we are over…”

”…If this would be the last dance, we’ll ever dance together, you and I, oh if all we ever had was an illusion, and if we gave it every chance, gave it every goddamn chance…”

Outtakes from track 5: “…I'm wo, wondering how are your mum and dad  
'Cause my, mine keep on asking whatever happened to, the girl that I used to see,  
how happy I used to be…”

“…what's a heart supposed to do, with a hole the size of you? wish I could undo the pain,  
but my heart can't catch a break, I think about you every single day” 

Outtakes track 6:  
“It's a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain, As if a good thing ever could make up for all the pain…”

“…It's a cruel thing, you'll never know all the ways I tried It's a hard thing faking a smile when I feel like I'm falling apart inside…”

“…And I am helpless sometimes, wishing's just no good. 'Cause you don't see me like I wish you would, 'Cause you never were and you never will be mine, No, you never were and you never will be mine…” 

Beca took off the headphones and went downstairs to get something to drink before her shift at the station. 

Two things were obvious to Beca, Jesse was breaking up with her and she had been hurting him for a long time without even realizing it.  
Another thing she realized was that she did not feel sad about the breakup, she felt a bit empty, confused and a bit relieved. ‘Is this normal to feel after getting dumped?’ she asked herself.  
she looked at the time and hurried to the radio station. 

 

 

Track 2 Albin Lee Meldou- The weight is gone (Eric Gadd has made an awesome cover of this song and I really recommend both)  
Track 3 The knife- Heartbeats (José González has made an awesome cover of this song and I really recommend both)  
Track 4 Rhys- last dance  
Track 5 Felix Sandman- Every single day  
Track 6 Robyn- Be mine


	2. The realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that your christmas gift is so slow...   
> I have to much school at the moment...

Someone had called in sick and Beca finally got her chance to play music at the station. At first, she was nervous, not about playing music but the talking in between. But she got the hang of it after a while. Without thinking about it she used her on air time to reflect on things in her life.  
As usual she reflected through music and if anyone who knew her well enough was listening, they would be able to hear her confusion and struggle. 

 

‘…I don't want anything too easy, too afraid to do something wrong. I’m strong, week and everything in between. I have no choice, but I need to choose because I know what I want, and yet I know nothing. Honestly, is there anyone who is whole? Honestly, is there anyone who never makes a mistake? Honestly, is there anyone who managed to live happily with an exterior made of stone? Honestly, honestly…’

 

Realizing what she was doing she quickly started playing Stupid by Rebecca and Fiona. While the song was playing, she tried to compose herself, deciding against talking any more she queued up enough songs to last the rest of her shift.  
Song after song played and during each song, she realised what she was trying to say with it, who she was talking to. It was like her subconscious was screaming truths to her, truths that she should probably already be aware of. It was as if a concrete block fell on her. It was too much at once suddenly she understood everything and at the same time nothing made sense. 

 

Outtakes from song 1: ‘Oh man, I'm a loner, a night time roamer, emptiness haunts me and that's how I know, I am a brokenhearted soul, and I've hit rock bottom, so where do I go?’  
‘…As I lay me down to sleep I wish that you were here with me  
'Cause I need some help to save me from myself  
And I know I shouldn't think about you but I do all the time…’

 

Outtakes from song 2: I don’t want you like that at all, I just ain’t like that, I’m totally comfortable to keep it kinda common goal, no, I’m not that emotional, I just ain’t like that…’  
‘… But the more time I spend with you, the more I feel like it just ain’t true…’  
‘… I lied, again and again, one touch turn into a million, and it just got out of hand…’  
‘… didn’t mean to go for the deep end, but when it comes to you, got no defence…’

 

Outtakes from song 3: ‘… When the night is closing in  
There's a moment when we safely breathe as one  
(The wind that slowly past the years)  
Brings the sun down a thousand roses  
An angel passed me by so high up in the sky  
But she turned around and let her smile shine on down  
Like a warm morning sun, like the stars laid one by one  
Showing us a wonder that is all the while all around…’

Outtakes from song 4:’… Everything feels brand new. Whenever I’m here with you, I don’t wanna be nowhere else, but I guess you can already tell, it’s feeling just like one love, is pulling up both of us, no matter what seasons do, I’m always gonna roll with you…’ 

Outtakes from song number 5: ‘… Rumors are their only friends…’  
‘… I know what people say about you, they say the same about me, and I don’t care if it’s all true, I want you hanging with me…’  
‘… perfect imperfections with mistakes and unlearned lessons, yeah, you give me wood, give me lady wood, dirty on the inside, damaged goods with nothing but pride, yeah, you give me wood, give me lady wood…’

As she looked through the playlist she smiled, and in her mind, she knew the list was dedicated to her redhaired friend, the whole set was about her feelings to Chloe.  
‘What the fuck am I supposed to with all this?’ she asked herself as she left the station to go home. 

 

Song number 1: Wiktoria- As I Lay Me Down  
Song number 2: Tove Styrke- I Lied  
Song number 3: Magnus Carlsson- Eternal Love  
Song number 4: Sabina Ddumba- So Effortless  
Song number 5: Tove Lo- Lady Wood


End file.
